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GG Osborne





Joined: 21 Mar 2006

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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 11:45 am    Post subject: Confessions of a Weapons Whore         Reply with quote

Confession is suppose to be good for the soul. I hope so become in some Freudian-sense, I need to get something off my chest. I am a Weapons whore! Yes, I know, sad but true. An otherwise fairly upright person getting sucked down into the bottomless pit of weapons depravity. I may look normal and act, well, fairly normal - whatever that really is anyway! - but let me get to a computer terminal and I immediately close the door, draw the curtains and hunching over the terminal start looking a forbidden and graphic sites...like myArmoury for new listings, Track of the Wolf, ebay; the list comes on and on. I am soooo ashamed!

My addiction to steel pornography came slowly and insideously like most perversions. I started out think "Wouldn't it be nice to collect handmade versions of the Brown Bess Long Land Patters musket!" Then I thought, "Well, there are pistols from that period as well" and then swords and then pole weapons and then I got interested in my Scottish heritage and became - alas!!, the depths of depravity, a basket-head!!!. Then I got hooked on certain makers like Vince, ELJay, Eric, Craig, Tod, Ian and others.

See what I mean? It just takes over and...gee, does any one know of a Twelve Step Program for someone like me? Maybe Swords Anonomous?"

Maybe Nathan needs to put in a new Forum for those addicted...upps, no, that would be like a candy store offering diabetic testing suppies or a liquor store sponsoring an AA meeting! Okay scratch that idea. Maybe we just need sponsors so that when we see something outstanding, we can make a call and get a fellow Forumite to talk us off the ledge. Opps, No. That's wouldn't work so well either because our sponsor would probably talk us out of buying it so they could make a offer themselves.

Guys, I just don't know. I can't take it with me...but I just can't help myself! I guess I will just have to settle for sewing a big Scarlet Letter "S" on my shirt and live with the shame!

[ Just mostly tounge-in-cheek! Razz ]

"Those who live by the sword...will usually die with a huge, unpaid credit card balance!"
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Scott Hrouda




Location: Minnesota, USA
Joined: 17 Nov 2006
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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 11:54 am    Post subject:         Reply with quote

(I will take this opportunity to offer you the same service offered to Mr. Michael Edelson in this earlier thread.)

Dear GG Osborne,

It appears to me that you have a very serious case of TMW (Too Many Weapons). I am a professional. I am here to help you. Simply ship the majority of your collection to me and I will ensure they are cared for properly until you recover.

...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped. - Sir Bedevere
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GG Osborne





Joined: 21 Mar 2006

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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 12:11 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

Even with my obviously impaired sense of morality, I couldn't inflict that pain on another human being. Thank you, however for your obvious compassionate nature and kind understanding of my problem.
"Those who live by the sword...will usually die with a huge, unpaid credit card balance!"
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Craig Johnson
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Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA
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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 1:46 pm    Post subject: Hmm errrr??         Reply with quote

This maybe a bit like the gremlin on your shoulder whispering in your ear, but I for one like you just the way you are Happy

Best
Craig
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Bryce Felperin




Location: San Jose, CA
Joined: 16 Feb 2006

Posts: 552

PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 2:10 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

Nothing for it but to force you to hit bottom. You won't recover until you do after all. I recommend buying a couple thousand dollars more worth of weapons till it bankrupts you. Then when you realize your "sickness" you'll be able to work toward recovery...and sell off all the weapons at discount to the rest of us. :-)
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GG Osborne





Joined: 21 Mar 2006

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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 2:48 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

I really appreciate your advice. It is certainly worth considering seriously. You know, I've given this alot of thought and have come to the conclusion that it would probably be best that I just melt all of the swords down into scrap steel, sell it to a junk dealer and distribute the proceeds to the poor in humble repentence for all the harm I've done. How could I live with myself when I envision your poor wife and family sitting in the cold while you are sitting in the cold house admiring your collection. It gives me the collywobbles such thinking about it. So, sorry, I think the destruction idea is best.
"Those who live by the sword...will usually die with a huge, unpaid credit card balance!"
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Bryce Felperin




Location: San Jose, CA
Joined: 16 Feb 2006

Posts: 552

PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 5:01 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

GG Osborne wrote:
I really appreciate your advice. It is certainly worth considering seriously. You know, I've given this alot of thought and have come to the conclusion that it would probably be best that I just melt all of the swords down into scrap steel, sell it to a junk dealer and distribute the proceeds to the poor in humble repentence for all the harm I've done. How could I live with myself when I envision your poor wife and family sitting in the cold while you are sitting in the cold house admiring your collection. It gives me the collywobbles such thinking about it. So, sorry, I think the destruction idea is best.


Ah that will only build you up regrets and cause you to start buying more weapons when you have a relapse. No best to sell them at a discount and donate them to the Old Weapons Collectors Retirement Fund for all us old collectors who also trying to control the habit. PM me and I will give you a good shipping address where you can send them. I'll send you a nice shiny certificate mentioning your generous contribution and a couple of photographs of the "weapons collectors" who you have helped with your donation. Act now and I see your named engraved on the monument at the Weapon Collectors Hall. Just give us advance notice of your visit so we can clean up the building a bit. :-)

This will put you right and assure you everlasting fame and good feelings whenever you view your certificate. :-)
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Brian K.
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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Joined: 01 Jan 2008

Posts: 717

PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 5:44 pm    Post subject: Re: Hmm errrr??         Reply with quote

Craig Johnson wrote:
This maybe a bit like the gremlin on your shoulder whispering in your ear, but I for one like you just the way you are Happy

Best
Craig


and I am the gremlin on your other shoulder whispering in your ear that you need a little leather in your life.

Brian Kunz
www.dbkcustomswords.com
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GG Osborne





Joined: 21 Mar 2006

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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 8:08 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

uuuugh....leather....now that is a constructive idea. Were you recommending bindings, suspension or restraint?
"Those who live by the sword...will usually die with a huge, unpaid credit card balance!"
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Jean Thibodeau




Location: Montreal,Quebec,Canada
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PostPosted: Fri 08 Oct, 2010 8:32 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

GG Osborne wrote:
uuuugh....leather....now that is a constructive idea. Were you recommending bindings, suspension or restraint?


Sadly I understand what you are talking about. Wink Razz Laughing Out Loud Cool

You can easily give up your freedom. You have to fight hard to get it back!
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Mark T




PostPosted: Sat 09 Oct, 2010 12:52 am    Post subject:         Reply with quote

CG,

Have you attended the Western Martial Arts Workshop? I know the name sounds innocuous, but I was recently informed that it's 'a drinking group with a sword problem' ... could be just the self-help group you're looking for ...
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Richard Schneider




Location: Des Plaines, IL
Joined: 07 Feb 2010
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PostPosted: Mon 11 Oct, 2010 9:50 am    Post subject:         Reply with quote

Can we please keep this topic focused? Now where were we...ah yes

GG Osborne wrote:
...leather... bindings, suspension or restraint?

Ut ferreus caput capitis quod stabilis terminatio
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Mikko Kuusirati




Location: Finland
Joined: 16 Nov 2004
Reading list: 13 books

Posts: 953

PostPosted: Mon 11 Oct, 2010 10:01 am    Post subject:         Reply with quote

Mark T wrote:
CG,

Have you attended the Western Martial Arts Workshop? I know the name sounds innocuous, but I was recently informed that it's 'a drinking group with a sword problem' ... could be just the self-help group you're looking for ...

In the same sort of way that getting into home chemistry could help a drug addiction, I'm sure...

The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs -- I was a man before I was a king.
-- R. E. Howard, The Road of Kings
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Neil Langley




Location: Stockport, UK
Joined: 23 Jan 2006

Posts: 112

PostPosted: Mon 11 Oct, 2010 12:21 pm    Post subject: Re: Hmm errrr??         Reply with quote

Craig Johnson wrote:
This maybe a bit like the gremlin on your shoulder whispering in your ear, but I for one like you just the way you are Happy


Actually Craig, given the subject of this topic I rather think this makes you less of a gremlin and more a Weapons Pimp Wink

Neil
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GG Osborne





Joined: 21 Mar 2006

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Posts: 474

PostPosted: Mon 11 Oct, 2010 1:29 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

Hummmm...a weapons pimp with a big sword, now that's a fresh concept!
"Those who live by the sword...will usually die with a huge, unpaid credit card balance!"
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Mikko Kuusirati




Location: Finland
Joined: 16 Nov 2004
Reading list: 13 books

Posts: 953

PostPosted: Mon 11 Oct, 2010 2:32 pm    Post subject:         Reply with quote

GG Osborne wrote:
Hummmm...a weapons pimp with a big sword, now that's a fresh concept!


The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs -- I was a man before I was a king.
-- R. E. Howard, The Road of Kings
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