[Russ Ellis]

Hello Everyone,

It’s time for the seventh annual “which group do you belong to poll.” I usually do this in April but of course this year my modem went south just about the time the poll was due to come out.

I do this informal poll as a way
to determine the direction current
in sword fancying is going for the year. Plus I got to write up these
descriptions with which to amuse myself.
So without further ado here is the categories that you may lump yourself
into this year. You are welcome to
write in your own category but please only choose ONE category.
I don't care if you like every
type of sword made, for the purposes of this poll you have to choose one
category. I'm the one who made up
the poll so I'm the one who gets to make up the rules.


Category 1: The Scots
This group is a hard drinking hard fighting lot. Fiercely proud of their heritage they
will take their love of all things Scottish to incredible extremes. From time to time this
even leads some tough Scots lads to wear dresses…er tartans all in the name of Scotland
(or at least that is what they tell us). Members of this group are also fond of putting a “Mc” or
“Mac” in front of their surname. For example the “McChicken” or the “Mcrib”.
Scots are fond of their basket hilts, claymores, dirks and sgian dubhs.

Category 2: The Celts
The Celts call Scots the “newbies.” Also fiercely proud of their heritage. The Celts have
it from a reliable source that all that is good in the world descended from Celtdom just as
all that is bad in the world came from those dastardly Romans. The Celts are fond
of blue paint, streaking and of course their leaf blades. (In that order I think.)

Category 3:
On snowy days in the frozen North when visibility has been reduced the Vikings are often
mistaken for trolls or large bears (and I’m just talking about the women!) The Vikings are
a rough and ready bunch always willing to carouse or fight (and indeed sometimes with
Vikings you can’t tell which is which). They love those type X swords, lobated pommels and
something called an ax which we pretty sure is a myth.

Category 4: The Knights
Often mistaken for wandering ironmongeries the knights can easily be distinguished by all
the sheet metal that they wear. The knights are a idealistic group always searching for dragons
to slay, maidens to rescue and when all else fails windmills to tilt at. The knights greatest
pride is their medieval European swords of all types their greatest fear is powerful magnets.

Category 5: The Samurai
The samurai are a fearsome group of warriors. Not only do they have katana, wakizashi, and
tanto which everyone knows can cut though gun barrels, brick walls, volkswagon beetles and so
forth but when swords fail them they can always resort to words. In verbal duels they can stun their
opponents into insensibility by rambling on about menuki, tsuba, sushi, and various other esoteric
terms that only they know the meaning of.

Category 6: The Chinese are supposed to have endless numbers but such does not seem to be the case
on the forums since this group is usually pretty small. This group likes their tachi swords, daos and they
are absolutely convinced that you really can fly around in a bamboo forest.

Category 7: The Romans are a stolid business like lot. They enjoy marching about in large groups, fighting the
Celts, and talking about Caligula “Now there was an emperor.” They are fond of gladii in all their
forms as well as spatha, scutum etc. These guys are always ready to chase down the those naked celtic
streakers. (A scary thought in and of itself)

Category 8: The Renaissance Men (or women)
This group all carries an overgrown knitting needle about with them. For some reason they insist on
calling it a sword. They have even gone so far as to make up a name for it “rapier.” These folks are
also firm proponents of the rapier side in the eternal “rapier vs katana debate.

Category 10: Middle East / Far East
Members of this group are fond of curvy swords (talwars, scimitars), curvy daggers (jambiyas) and curvy
women (hey if you don’t know any examples I can’t help you.)

Category 11: The Barbarians
Members of this group have a tendency to be weight lifters, have all the Conan Movies on tape, and are reasonably
certain that when they get to Heaven, Arnold will be sitting in the big chair. These guys love huge swords, which only they can use. These swords were reliably reported to have been created by pouring liquid steel into a mold in a big rock.

Category 12: Southeast Asia
These guys love odd looking swords with odd names. Things like the parong, the kampilian, and the keris all make their hearts go pitter pat. Despite the exotic nature of their weaponry don’t underestimate them!

Category 13: Miscellaneous whiners
Last year I got in trouble with some folks who claimed that I had not put a category together that they and all their buddies would fit into. They made extravagant promises of huge participation in the poll if only this or that category were added. After all that ego stroking I added the categories and what did I get? Either one or no members in those
categories! Whoever it was that suggested elf didn’t even end up in the elf category. Therefore the miscellaneous
whiners category was born. If any of these groups gets more then a member this year I’ll give them a more respectable category. (This is all said very tongue in cheek folks don’t break out the pitchforks and torches just yet okay?)

This year just to make things interesting I’m giving away a nice Himilayan Imports Kukri the winner to be drawn Randomly from all those that enter their preference. Polling will be open for one week. Remember you can only choose one category. For those that enter a picture of themselves with their sword of choice two entries will be recorded thus doubling their chances of winning.

[Glen A Cleeton]

Category 2: The Celts
The Celts call Scots the "newbies." Also fiercely proud of their heritage. The Celts have
it from a reliable source that all that is good in the world descended from Celtdom just as
all that is bad in the world came from those dastardly Romans. The Celts are fond
of blue paint, streaking and of course their leaf blades. (In that order I think.)
`````````````````

I'm not about to post a pict of me running around with my leaf blade hanging out. Don't let that stop anyone else ;)

I must choose by that which is my heritage. Celt it is. Cymru rules.


GC

Celtic American

[Thomas Jason]

A Samurai Viking that was shipwrecked in Southeast Asia.

[Nate C.]

I think that I would have to say that I fit category 8 since that's the style of fence I am most familiar with as 19th century fencers weren't mentioned. However, you left out a minor detail on the renaissance. I suggest amending the description in the following way.

[G. Scott H.]

No question: The Knights.

[David Etienne]

I would say "Knights". And I don't fear giant magnets; with a 40kg full armor on my poor 1,78 m and 70 kg body I only fear one thing : gravity

David

P.S. Congrats for this excellent post !

[Manfred Fritz]

Knights, definitely, and it may be the odd wandering rust-monster we fear - or probably sunstroke

[Greyson Brown]

Knights! And I second the comments on gravity, rust monsters, and sunstroke.

-Grey

[Daniel Parry]

Although my genetics calls for Celts, it's knitting needles for me, please, in the absence of a sewing needle category (small-swords), which might put me by default into the whiners' group. If you want to distinguish the two categories, the rapier people are the ones wearing tights, earrings, frilly blouses and like nothing more than to spend an evening watching plays by a bloke called Will, in which all the female roles are played by men. The small-sword group isn't into cross-dressing to such a degree, but have been known on occasion to wear large powdered wigs and apply a touch of foundation before a duel (one must look one's best after all).

Daniel

[Jeff Ross]

I'd have to go with "Knights", based on recent sword and armour purchases and current training.

Jeff

[Patrik Erik Lars Lindblom]

Category 3:
sounds like my daily life, with my interest of old cars


type X

[Helen Miller]

Category 4: The Knights
Often mistaken for wandering ironmongeries the knights can easily be distinguished by all
the sheet metal that they wear. The knights are a idealistic group always searching for dragons
to slay, maidens to rescue and when all else fails windmills to tilt at. The knights greatest
pride is their medieval European swords of all types their greatest fear is powerful magnets.


No doubt about it I'd have to go with the knights! I can't post a pic because I'm a sad case. I don't
actually own a sword, only a shinai!!!

[Pamela Muir]

Suburban minivan driving mother whose children will be in therapy for years.

[Russ Ellis]

[Russ Ellis]

[William Goodwin]

Cat.# 8 for the bane of my madness (mortuarys & schiavona's) fall into this time period.

The tumor grows even as I'm typing this...................

Bill

[Joe Fults]

Category 4: The Knights
Often mistaken for wandering ironmongeries the knights can easily be distinguished by all
the sheet metal that they wear. The knights are a idealistic group always searching for dragons
to slay, maidens to rescue and when all else fails windmills to tilt at. The knights greatest
pride is their medieval European swords of all types their greatest fear is powerful magnets.

Going to go with the knights catagory, although I'm probably more of a filthy peasant than a noble knight!!

[Benjamin McCracken]

I have to stick with my family name and go with the scotts! category # 1 of course. The part about hard drinking and fighting is right on point. How did you know?



Ben

[Daniel Parry]

Yes Russ, my surname really is Parry (very Welsh name). I know, I know......... can you imagine the number of bad jokes I have endured over 15 years of fencing at every club and competition ! It gets even worse - my girlfriend at college, who also fenced, had the surname ' Foyle' .

At least I feel I don't suffer as much as a colleague of my dad's who was professor of logic at Manchester University, called Professor John Reason (or the Tobacco & Alcohol minister in Russia under Gorbachov, Yuri Nicochin).

Liked your categories at lot

Daniel

[Folkert van Wijk]

Yep Number two "The Celts", thats me...